new year {2019}

It's a new year, and I stopped writing publicly for awhile. Privately though, I'm still continuing the work.

The act of jotting down words to paper is....magical. There's something magical about setting your thoughts becoming solidified word by word. They become real and tangible. Suddenly you can analyze clearly and perhaps dissect the bullshit. I will reread something and realize my own biases or my rigid perspective. It has allowed me the space to challenge my own limiting thoughts and beliefs, to challenge a part of myself.

I've also started writing letters addressed to myself or others, but not me. And these have been most useful when I am overwhelmed with emotion. I can feel the sadness, grief, anger, and pain drain away from my body into the paper. Sometimes there is nothing to do in a situation but to let go, let go of how you've been wronged, of how you've wronged others, of the past versions of you, past dreams and hopes that will never come to fruition. It is both an act of good bye and acceptance. It is a gift of peace.

When you have a mind where thoughts, emotions, metaphors, imagery, shoulds ,and societal norms swirl all together. It sometimes seems like I'm in the midst of my own storms, W O R D S are like B R E A T H ING. It's allowed me space. And honoring this practice has been vital to me. (Consistently practicing it is a challenge.)

So I guess that's what I've been doing, I have been giving myself space. In a time when everything is instant and fast, bright and numbing, this art of patience and giving/holding space is often forgotten.

I've put it on my monthly goal list to blog, but I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me. And I chose to listen to that part of myself that said, "Wait, just a little longer. Wait, it's not ready."

Maybe it's like fermentation (something I'm dabbling in this year), where alchemy occurs when the right ingredients and right conditions meet time. Time (patience) allows for the transformation of something tastier.

I'm looking forward to sharing what's been fermenting for the last 6 months.



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It's been a wonderful, beautiful experiment. Writing and expressing on this medium has given me great satisfaction and accomplishment, not for what was produced but for the growth it required of me. W